In my version, the "f" doesn't stand for "freaked out". lol. That was a nervous lol in case you missed it. The last few days / weeks / months have taken their emotional toll on me and I don't know how much more I can cope with. I have had to take a good hard look at what I have on my plate, and some things I have had to let go of to save my sanity. Obviously there are some things I cannot give up, like work and
This Friday, things came to a head. I had my first anxiety attack. At work. In my boss's office. I could feel a rush of heat rise up my chest and into my neck. I started doing the ugly cry and hyperventilating. I was boiling hot and didn't even realise I'd stripped off my jacket and scarf (thank goodness I didn't go further). I couldn't articulate a single word, and I really wanted to get it out. Nothing. He was worried and wanted to know where my ventolin was. That wasn't going to help. I needed to cry. Poor man. For the rest of the day I had the puffiest eyes, no makeup and a throbbing headache. I looked stoned. I could barely keep my eyes open. Driving home was a struggle. Seth came home from school shortly after and gave me a cuddle. I slept. A migraine developed. I took some pain killers and slept more. In total, I had nearly 15 hours sleep. I needed it desperately.
Obviously this is a wake-up call. I have decided to relieve some of the pressure I put on myself, so that I can concentrate on getting better.
After nearly three years on the Scrapware team, I have decided to step down. I really enjoyed my time on the Scrapware team and with Ange, but I just haven't been in a great creative space. Ange has a great DT and I know they will create gorgeous work for her. I just can't at the moment.
My business Storyboard Kits, has suffered. I have just enough energy to go to my paying job each day, and then nothing left to give of an afternoon for my business. I have decided not to release a new kit until 1 October. There's some stuff I need to sort out from the last kit, and hopefully that list will be clear this week. I need to read and respond to a heap of emails. I have disappointed a few customers and that breaks my heart. I feel like a complete failure.
The next area I need to look at is my sketch site, Inspired Blueprints, and the commitments I have to some scrapbooking magazines. Once I've figured out what I'm going to do, I'll let you know.
I will be continuing my blogging. This is one area I feel like I have complete control!
I need to look at the positives. Here's the stuff that keeps me going:
- family. I have the best hubby in the world, and two children who love me and I adore.
- friends. They know exactly when to call, or when to drop around a block of chocolate.
- blogging. I love the mental download and the support from my bloggy friends. I love that I can blog and tweet from the comfort of my bed.
- work. I'm thankful that despite the crap I've been putting my boss through lately, he still defends me.
